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Our Story - Seeley, Spencer and Dexter. A dads story of triplet loss.




In July 2014, Faye and I found out we were expecting our second baby following the neonatal loss of our daughter Elizabeth in October 2013. We had a lot of trepidation due to our past and we were relieved on our first scan to see our baby happy and healthy.


Due to Faye’s increased morning sickness we had a feeling that this pregnancy was going to be different and we were dumbfounded when we discovered at our 12 week scan that we were expecting identical triplets. Walking around the hospital in a daze and amazement of our news we were referred immediately to a multiple birth specialist who sat us down and laid it out to us that it was going to be 50/50 that we would bring all 3 babies home due to them being monochorionic triamniotic triplets. 


We left the hospital that day with a mixture of feelings from excitement and imagining bringing home 3 babies, to the fear of going through another loss. Faye had a reasonably complicated free pregnancy and took each week progressing in the pregnancy as being closer to the finish line and bringing home our babies. At 33 weeks at a routine ultrasound when we had started to relax, we were given the devastating news that our middle triplet had passed away.


Faye was admitted that day and was scheduled for an emergency c-section. 

The doctors were concerned that our baby had passed away without any known reason and feared for the safety of the others. On 15/1/15 we welcomed the arrival of our sons Seeley, Dexter and Spencer. Seeley and Spencer were rushed to NICU and Faye was transported with Dexter to the bereavement suite. The hospital staff supported us amazingly again through our loss and gave us the time to take Dexter down to NICU and spend time with the 3 of our boys. 


We thought we would have some comfort with the boys being identical, that we would know what he would have looked like, but as the boys developed their own personalities and seeing the slight differences between them it actually made those questions and thoughts more painful.


Following the loss of Dexter and adjusting to life with our two baby boys we experienced a mixture of scenarios whilst we tried to deal with our grief. We had decided when we learnt of Dexter's death that we would continue to call the boys triplets and hoped family and friends would follow the same lead. We found it difficult hearing people referring to them as twins or if people stopped to speak to you and you explained they were triplets they would begin to look for the third child in the pram until we explained a bit further our experience. We had experiences when the boys first came out of hospital where people wanted to coo over two little babies and when we didn’t have the strength to speak and fake smile, we would go shopping with headphones on with the hope of discouraging people to talk to us.  We trialled even in public agreeing the “yes they are twins” but was soon followed with the guilt of not honouring Dexter.


It took a long time to find a suitable response for us when we were in public. We continued to seek support through different charities and also through groups that were dedicated directly to triplet families who had gone through a loss of one or two babies. It helped us hearing about other families, fathers who understood that heartache of hearing the word twins or the difficulty with the approach to anniversaries or birthdays.




We continue to honour Dexter's memory with the boys and try to keep their birthdays happy and joyous when at times for us as the parents can find it very painful.


Life was soon very different for myself, as a father suffering a second bereavement, dealing with returning to work and having people ask how the babies were with no mention of Dexter and what had happened it had soon become overwhelming. 


Now the boys are 8 years old we continue to find milestones hard. Seeing the boys take part in activities can weigh heavy knowing there should be a third little boy joining them and the pain can sometimes be as hard as our initial loss. Our living children are aware of their siblings and continue to ask questions about them and ask to see pictures which can also be heartbreaking as you realise they have suffered the loss of a sibling they have no memories of. It is essential to us that we have created and use a network of agencies, friends and family that understand our family unit.


While this has taken time it gives me great pleasure to tell our story and remember Dexter and hopefully those reading this can find solace and support at one of the most difficult times.


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